There are times when the hurricane inside you is bigger than the shining sun above you. On the surface, your smile is pristine while the whirling winds of emotions are hard to contain. 145 mph thoughts bombard your mind and it is difficult to handle the pressure building at your lower back. You sleep, but never rest.
“Will I get there?”
“Is it even possible?”
“Is there enough money?”
“Did I charge the right amount?”
“Will she like me?”
“Did I say that right?”
“Am I too young?”
“Do I have what it takes?”
“Am I doing everything I need to get there?”
“Am I in the right path?” “What is my path?”
“Am I even advancing?” “Where should I apply for jobs?”
“Should I eat that french fry?”
Just when you have reached your overwhelming peak let’s add this one to the mix: “What is the meaning of life?”
I know these thoughts and feelings all too well. Doubt: that little fungus groping onto your dreams like a desease and constantly reproducing with every negative thought.
It gets to the point that even Hallmark’s inspirational quotes bring upon more frustration than ease:
“If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm”
“Remember to play after the storm”
The best one: “Storms make trees take deeper root”
My gosh! AHHHHH! Let’s flip a table (don’t literally flip a table), seriously! When there is a storm brewing inside me the last thing I want to hear is “everything is going to be okay.” On some occasions, I really just want a step by step list of how things will plan out and a very strong margarita in the evening.
Fortunately, that is not how life and the Universe work. There isn’t a playbook with a glossary outlining every aspect of life into chapters and bullet notes on how to handle each situation the best way. Nope! It would be too easy. Risks would never be taken. Surprises wouldn’t exist and actual learning would be obsolete. We would function on auto pilot all day every day. The truth is those trickling challenges are important for growth. We need those rocky waters in order to understand who we are and what life is all about.
Nonetheless, I can definitely relate. One evening I was bundled on my bed in pitched darkness looking up at the reflected light coming in from the window. I could say I was admiring, but then I would be lying. My body was there; my mind spaced out. Thoughts darted and bounced back and fourth. Like a virus, doubt was paying me a visit with all the browser tabs open and file cabinets in a frenzy. She was having a daunting party in my head and I was willing to go along with it.
Then I did something unexpected. I flipped a switch. I barked back at doubt with sass, anger, and defensiveness. Like a wild Cheetah defending her cubs, I yelled at myself to STOP all the senseless bickering.
In the next few minutes following that sudden halt I heard silence in my head. “So this is what a clear mind feels like,” I said to myself. The storm leveled inside me and I wondered what would happen if I took all that wasted time with doubt and invested it dancing hope and confidence. For every doubtful thought, I tried with effort, to transform it into positive energy. It was and still is difficult, but today I am a lot better than yesterday! Everything is there, right in front of me even if I cannot see it or barely grasp it! It is all there.
My friends, doubt is a leech sucking all the fun out of your dreams. Do not give her that kind of power. She has no right to show up unannounced at your doorstep and take control. Sweaty palms and nerves inside, count to five, and just go for it. Ask that pretty girl or handsome guy out. Call those clients and set up an appointment. Apply to that “impossible” job. Start that new project.
Show up, mess up, learn it all, and know your self worth.
If you are certain that you are on the right path (for you) then also have the courage to say no when the situation does not resonate with your dream. In contrast, say yes to the things you want, but fear doing. Finally, when the dosage of sass and bravery are running on low battery, talk to someone you trust. Let them be the devil’s advocate and provide you with some tough love. Their reverse psychology is a nice way to put your battery life back on full charge and your direction on track.
Dear you, even if we do not want to hear it, it is true that everything will be more than okay. Take it from someone who knows. Have patience and hustle baby!
~M
Just the way it is! ????